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Love now and always.
Did you fall in love last night?
Just tell her I love her.
Love is stronger than anything.
For the love.
And I love you more than anything.
What is love?
Here’s to love.
Love.
From The New York Times, I’m Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. Every week, we bring you stories and conversations inspired by the Modern Love column. We talk about love, sex, friends, family, and all the messiness of human relationships.
When I think about today’s guest, indie rock darling Lucy Dacus, there is one lyric that is seared into my mind because it is maybe too vivid. It’s this awkward description of a kiss, and it’s in her 2018 song “Night Shift.”
The first time I tasted somebody else’s spit
I had a coughing fit
Ugh
Dacus always sounds like she’s taking her lyrics straight from the pages of her old diaries on her solo albums, and when she plays with the Grammy-winning trio boygenius. For example, in songs like “First Time,” I can hear the thrill and the drama of being in your 20s and falling in love and out of love and back in love again.
I can’t go back to who I was before I met you
I can’t undo what I’ve done
I wouldn’t want to
I wouldn’t want to
Dacus has a new album out on March 28. It’s called “Forever Is A Feeling.” And on this record, she sounds like she’s moving into yet another era. She’s singing more about queer love and lust and being ready to commit to someone, or at least try to, for the long term.
Today I talk to Lucy Dacus about the new emotional territory she’s been exploring in her music, and she reads a Modern Love essay about how hard it can be to stay connected to a partner when we inevitably keep changing as individuals.
Lucy Dacus, welcome to Modern Love.
Thanks for having me.
Lucy, you recently did something that I thought was very fun and very flirty. You posted a TikTok where you gave fans a short teaser of a new song, and you told them you were doing an open casting call for the music video. You said you were looking for, and I’m quoting you here, “People who are smooth or suave or can pretend to be. Maybe you’re a hot masc. Maybe you’re simply willing and able and not afraid to be on camera.” What made you decide to do this open call with those very specific parameters?
Well, the song is “Best Guess,” which is the first love song I’ve ever written that uses she pronouns.
You may not be an angel
But you are my girl
I was like, OK, this is my first like overtly little gay time in a song. So I was like, have it be like a bachelor party for me, because my dream is that people would play it at their weddings.
You are my best guess at the future
You are my best guess
And also just the chorus being like, you’re my best guess. That’s kind of maybe all you can give since things change. And so I like that as vows, because I intend to stick with you and love you forever. And that should be enough.
So, yeah, I was thinking about marriage and stuff as should be a bachelor party for me. I’ll invite some friends and then maybe I can invite other people to be looking hot in suits. And I was like, how am I going to find people? Do we do general casting? Is it dancers? And I was like, you know who looks into cameras and tries to look cool? People on TikTok.
Because it’s a skill. I’m the least suave person in that video. You have to have confidence to be able to do that. And then it took on really a life of its own. There were over 5,000 entries. I didn’t end up getting to see all of them, but what fun.
What fun.
When I think about do you have any kind of rule or, I don’t know, any tactics that you have to encourage the right kind of talk with a partner?
I think, yeah, it’s not really rules, but it’s just eye time. Be like, we have to look at each other.
Wait, eye time, E-Y-E.
Yeah, not like me.
Do you call it that?
Yeah, like need some eye time. Being like, that’s the only thing I’m doing right now is seeing you.
Is it a daily occurrence?
It’s just whenever you need it. It’s like when you’re thirsty, you drink water. Just need eye time. Some days you need more than others.
Lucy Dacus, thank you so much for talking with me today.
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